The Climax of Growth

​”Okay guys wait. Let’s think about this…”

“Yeah, but let’s not think too long.. I know how you can get sometimes.”

Since high school I’ve been waiting to meet someone who graciously challenges yet simultaneously encourages me in my moments of weaknesses. Who knew the first person to effortlessly do this would be a high school student herself!

I’ve been learning so much about myself the past few weeks working with First Star. For those of you who do not know, First Star is a national program whose focus is to work with foster care youth emphasizing college readiness. The program works to provide a safe familial atmosphere for these kids in the hope that with the encouragement of mentors and staff, doors of opportunity will be opened for them so they can reach their highest potential.

As expected, there have been incredible moments of challenge and frustration but also immense amounts of joy, laughter and growth. Holistically this program would not function without the acknowledgement of both the highs and lows we face every day… And let’s be honest, sometimes moment to moment.

Last week the First Star staff brought in a man by the name of Kevin Wallace who is the owner of Embrace the Team.  Their vision is to “provide an authentic learning experience to teams, of all ages, in efforts to foster cohesion, team identity and enhance collective efficiency and effectiveness in pursuing their desired goal.” He came in to work with both the students and the mentors alike to achieve this vision for First Star Rowan. Personally I love things like this because it gives me a chance to step into the leadership roll I’m naturally drawn to and prove to the other groups just how great I am. Yeah, well.. last week I sucked. There seriously is no other way to put it. I sucked. I got so caught up in myself, my way of processing and my perspective that my group literally could not accomplish a single one of the given objectives.

At the end of that 3 hour session I looked to Kyle who is another mentor on the team and said, “Is it me? Am I doing something wrong? Why was my group unable to accomplish any of the tasks?”. I felt discouraged and genuinely confused. I looked around me as other groups cheered at the success their teamwork and cooperation brought. I then looked at my own team and saw faces of discouragement and defeat.

I sucked. I failed. And I knew it.

One of the things that was discussed in the session last week was my analytical thought process and detail oriented perspective. I spent so much time trying to think through every possible scenario that not only were we unable to accomplish the goal, we barely got started in the process of trying!

See, one thing that I’m learning about myself is that my ability to think critically and in an intense analytical manner is a gift. However, when left unmanaged this gift becomes one of my biggest setbacks. I’ve spent the past few years wrestling with this idea and trying to find the balance between “being me” and “being who everyone else wants me to be”. But clearly I’ve been looking at this all wrong.

This isn’t a “right” or “wrong”, “good” or “bad” issue. This is a matter of growth. There isn’t anything wrong or bad about having a mind that likes to think and pick situations apart until there’s almost nothing left. The issue arises when this quality prohibits me from moving forward and developing myself and my interactions with others.

The people I find myself working with this summer all possess this odd (and admittedly fairly intimidating and frustrating) ability to “go with the flow”. I’ve come to hate that phrase because it felt to me like more of an implication that I was less capable or “cool” because I took things too seriously and was the Debby Downer in the group. But hold on. Never have any of these people said to me that I was less capable than they are at this job. In fact, in many situations I have been commended for my ability. Never have they asked me to become LESS of who I am, they’ve only asked me to grow. And growth requires humility and change.

The past three weeks I’ve learned I’m hella awesome, but I’ve also learned that people who are complete opposite from me are hella awesome too. I know this might seem like an obvious statement to make, but the reality was that for the first two weeks of this program my focus was to try and get the people around me to change and grow toward ME and my standard.  How pathetic and humiliating for me to admit, but it’s honest and I think in one way or another we’ve all been there.

Today all the thoughts I’ve been having along with the conglomeration of several different conversations are reaching their climax. When this particular student looked at me today and said in the most gracious manner “…but let’s not think too much, because I know how you get” I was able to step back for the first time and put into practice the areas I’ve been working on. She gave me the chance to develop who I am, not change or belittle me. It was an eye opening experience because she gave me that gentle reminder right from the start which allowed me to practice and approach the situation differently. Instead of getting halfway into the assignment and realizing I had thought myself in too deep, she encouraged me to use my gift but not abuse it.

As a result, today’s group session was a polar opposite from last week. I am encouraged because today I was able to tangibly see the result of intentionally in the pursuit of growth. As a group we communicated thoroughly. We listened eagerly. And most importantly, we acted. Not only did my group complete all the challenges, we also managed to finish first in several of the tasks. The students that I had in my group today allowed me just enough time and space to think critically and analyze the situation but also helped to hold me accountable not to abuse my gift and end up ruining the chance for progress. They took the initiative to set me up for success from the beginning rather than half way through accusing me of my faults. I could not be more proud of our group’s achievements, but more importantly the ways we put into practice all we had learned. They always say that kids will teach you just as much, if not more than you teach them, but I never expected it to be at this level. I am confident that as I continue my journey with these incredible young adults I will only learn, grow and develop more.

I am stoked for the opportunity to work with a group of students and mentors who are willing to acknowledge my areas of weakness not because they want to put me down, but because as much as we want the kids to reach their ultimate potential, they also want me to reach mine.