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30 Things About Me

A post I saw on Pinterest had this writing prompt idea list and I liked it, and considering I can’t sleep because I’m sick with a cold- I’m doing it.

1. A recent picture and 15 interesting facts about me:

  1. I have a passion for education, working with at-risk youth, and Jesus.
  2. I have helped to raise 3 Seeing Eye puppies but have a 1/3 success rate.
  3. I LOVE Tigger. I still sleep with a stuffed Tigger because I’m that big of a fan.
  4. I really enjoy painting and art in general.
  5. I would normally say my nails are always painted, but I’m trying to break that obsession presently.
  6. I am always seeking to expand my knowledge and understanding of the world around me.. but I get bored rather quickly and struggle to stay committed to one area of learning.
  7. I love Jesus, but I’m learning how much more of my love He deserves.
  8. I used to hate reading, and now it’s growing on my a lot.
  9. I’m a BIG fan of people who rock backwards hats, and the word “dude”.
  10. I almost always say “hey girl!” And “hey dude” when talking to people through text.
  11. Favorite color: lime green. Favorite color to wear: black or white.
  12. Obsessed with hoodies.
  13. Always cold. Literally. It’s an actual thing.
  14. Love motorcycles and trucks and jeeps and pretty much any mode of transportation that can get the wind in my hair and make me feel down with the earth.
  15. I love Gilmore Girls.

2. The meaning behind my blog name:

It’s been so long since I’ve named it. At the time I think I believed I was a daring dreamer. Now I think I’m more of a daring thinker!

3. A picture of my animals:

I love that she’s my baby now for REAL.

4. A habit I wish you didn’t have:

Saying, “if that makes sense?” and apologizing for “being too much”.

5. A picture of somewhere I’ve been:

Colorado will never get old to me. Seeing Red Rocks for the first time this summer was something special.

6. Favorite Super Hero and why:

Working in my line of work, I have come to so greatly respect and appreciate CASA members. I don’t think I could do what they do. Their hearts are so big and their strength is unmatched. They are my super heros.

7. A picture of something or someone that has made the biggest impact in my life:

Hands down, without a doubt: Jesus.

8. Short term goals for this month and why:

To learn how to trust Jesus in the distance and disconnect. Because if I can’t completely trust Jesus I won’t ever be able to trust anyone or anything else.

9. Something I’m proud of in the past few days:

I have successfully gathered almost all 51 students’ mid marking period grades. That makes me feel super super proud. It’s been a lot of work.

10. Songs I listen to when I’m feeling emotional:

Well, lately it’s been a LOT of worship music. The one that really stands out to me is, “God of All My Days” by Casting Crowns.

11. A picture of me and my friends:

Not all my friends, just the most recent picture I have with a gem of a friend.

12. Why I made a blog:

I have no idea what made me start, but I know what keeps me going- I’m an external processor. I do not internalize things well at all. Having a place to release all my thoughts to whoever may or may not want to read them helps me to process them in a way that helps me to move on. I don’t know where I’d be without my blogs and journals.

13. A letter to someone who has hurt me recently:

It’s hard to process everything that happened, and even harder to process why it all happens the way that it does. However, I can’t imagine what you’re experience is like and I can’t imagine what it’s like to have no idea how to even begin to start to process the realities you’re experiencing. I am sorry that I haven’t been able to understand, but I hope you know I’ve been trying.

14. A picture of me and my family:

I don’t remember what they were laughing about, but I hadn’t seen them laugh that hard in a long time. And it made me very happy. (Not pictured: Joe).

15. Put my iPod on shuffle and the first ten songs that play:

Truthfully I’m really not a huge music person at all. SO, this is kinda pointless for me.

16. Another picture of myself:

17. Someone I would want to switch lives with for a day and why:

Huh. I have no idea. Maybe my friend Betsy. I think she’s a rock star and I’m curious what it’s like to be in her shoes.

18. Plans/dreams/goals I have:

Oh wow. Well, if I’m being honest: I want to get my Masters and PhD in something. I want to be married to a guy who is rock solid in the Lord and calls me up. I want to not live in New Jersey, and start/run my own program working with at-risk youth.

19. Nicknames I have and why I have them:

It’s been a long time since I’ve been given a nickname. But the most memorable ones were Happy Meal and Spunky Bunny. Both because I am small, but feisty and always happy and giddy (although I think that’s changed a lot recently… but I’ll get her back!).

20. Someone I see myself marrying and being with in the future:

A man who loves Jesus passionately and as a result is able to love me deeply. A guy who’s able to take initiative in decision making. Someone who supports my dreams and goals and pushes me toward them. Someone who can speak truth into my life and hold me accountable. Someone who loves the outdoors and can not only handle, but loves my energy and personality for all it’s boldness and craziness.

21. A picture of something that makes you happy:

She makes me SO FRIGGIN HAPPY.

22. What makes me different from everyone else:

My brain. My thought process. My type A personality. My fears.

23. Something I crave a lot:

Affection in the form of words of affirmation from people I really care about.

24. Three books on my bookshelf:

-The Reluctant Prophet series

-Uninvited

-Girl, Go Wash Your Face

25. What you would find in my blog:

A whole lot of my life and personal thoughts. Mostly thoughts with Jesus and things I wrestle with.

26. What do you think about your friends:

I think I don’t value them enough or invest time into them enough. But I’m so thankful for the ones that stand by me through thick and thin. Even when I try to push them away.

27. Why am I doing this 30 things about me challenge:

Well, I modified it and made it one post. And really just because I was bored, couldn’t sleep, wanted a distraction, and felt like writing.

28. A picture from my last year and now; how have I changed:

Biggest change would be my employment status. Working at a different job. But spiritually I’ve grown a lot too. But what’s a whole other blog for a different day!

29. In the past month what have I learned:

That I’m going to be broken, but it’s my choice as to how long I allow myself to stay that way. AND, it’s my choice to allow myself not to be defined by others perspective of me.

30. Favorite song:

Really, that’s how you end this? Haha okay well- Shape of You by Ed Sheeran (probably).

The end!

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August 17th, 2018: The Day I Got a Tattoo.

On August 17, 2018 I got my first tattoo. My friend Michele has been trying to get me to do this for literally the past 6 years. Throughout this time she would randomly text me things like, “okay, so when are we going to get a tattoo?”. After every one of these texts I’d tell her how I think I want one but follow that with 100 excuses as to why I couldn’t do it right then. Truthfully, I just wasn’t ready. Those excuses or reasons were legitimate. I did have a job to think about. I didn’t have the money. I didn’t know for sure what I’d want. But all of that points to the fact that I just wasn’t ready.

One of the things that I have learned about myself over this past year is that if I do not feel ready for something, or I’m not comfortable with an idea- I don’t do it. There have been a very few amount of times when I’ve tried to rush myself into things I knew I wasn’t ready for, and it always back fired. I am so proud of myself for waiting until I was ready to make a commitment like this.

I recently moved out of my parents house and in with a family I work with. Moving out of my parents house to take steps toward my own dreams and goals has been a huge turning point in my life. It’s difficult to trust yourself to be able to do things on your own, and it’s even harder to leave behind the familiarity of having your family close. I knew I would be fine, but I didn’t realize how transformative this season in my life would be.

The past two weeks the family I have been staying with have been away for vacation. However, right before they left they informed me that a female Give Back Scholar who just graduated high school would be living in the house with them/me as well, and it was my while they were gone to get her completely registered for college and ready to go by move in day at the end of August. We have had to make numerous stops and work effortlessly to gather the information, paperwork and materials necessary to get her registered so late in the game. But she has been relentless. I have watched this girl explain her story to countless people in an attempt to fight for what she really wants. I have watched her wake up early in the morning (followed by multiple cups of coffee) to be one of the first ones in the building to get the documents she needs. I have watched this girl walk with confidence, boldness and courage that I have never seen so genuinely displayed before. And that has inspired me.

Her decision to go to college has not been met with a lot of support from her family. She makes the decision every day to walk courageously toward the blessings she believes God is putting in her life despite any fear of rejection and hurt she may be experiencing due to outside voices. I have been talking about this tattoo since 2015 when I drew it up one late night in my room. This student, my current phase of life, and some of my own personal battles right now confirmed in my spirit that this is the right time, and I am ready.

The tattoo I chose to get has always meant a lot to me. As mentioned previously, I drew this basic design up in 2015 and put a lot of thought into its meaning and potential life long purpose.

Here is the original Instagram post I made back on April 11, 2015 with the ideas I drew up. We took the “Prone to wander, Lord I feel it. Prone to leave the God I love.” part out.. who knows, maybe a second tattoo is in the making (;

Here is it’s meaning and why I chose to get my tattoo:

As cliche as it may be, I have always loved this idea that an arrow always moves forward. It may be wobbly or unsteady upon its release, but it always moves forward and never backwards.

Luke 1:45 says, “Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill His promises to her!” Another version says, “And blesses is she who believed that there would be fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.” And one more version says, “You are blessed because you believed that the Lord would do what He said.” When I first read this verse it hit me like a ton of bricks and has always remained a source of encouragement for me. Without thinking or planning this, about a week ago I decided for my devotions that I would read through Luke again. Stumbling upon this verse brought up so many of those same emotions it did for me the first time I read it many years ago.

Courage over fear. So many times in my life I get held back by my fears and insecurities. I want to believe that I live a courageous life, and in some ways I have.. however only I know how often I let my fears dictate my decisions or prevent me from living my life the way I believe God intended me to live it…or just simply the way I want to! So courage over fear is important for me to remember. Because the times that I have chosen to live courageously and take those steps of faith into becoming the woman I want to be have changed my life in the best possible way. And I always want to live with that kind of power and confidence.

So when you put them all together my tattoo means:

To have courage over fear to continue moving forward toward what the Lord has promised me and toward becoming the woman God has created me to be.

I have no regrets about getting this tattoo. And I am so proud of myself for making this decision. I didn’t tell anyone (except for Michele and the girl who lives with me now). The very act of getting this tattoo was my first act to put into practice the life I want to live that inspired this tattoo. I will always have this reminder and encouragement to look down at and to see, and that is hella cool to me.

Thanks for letting me share my journey with you! Here’s the picture of it’s journey to completion.

Here is the original description and explanation of the tattoo idea that I captioned my picture with back in 2015.
A picture of me right before I was about to go in to get it. I was definitely nervous, but way more excited than anything else! Ps. I got it done at Evolution Tattoos in Mantua.
Here is the picture of me getting it done. I was a little nervous I was going to pass out, but my tattoo artist, Mike,  was literally the best. We put The Office on (which thanks to Michele and Austin is slowly growing on me…) and I was totally fine.
Here is the finished piece! Still red and completely fresh! Maybe I’ll add more pictures after it heals. I totally love it AND all it means to me. And P.S. It’s okay if you don’t like it. You don’t have to. There may even be some days when I don’t like it (my OCD keeps nitpicking at it haha). You can even think that getting tattoos are a sin…But I spent years thinking about this and doing my own study to develop my views on tattoos from a biblical perspective, and the bottom line is: I didn’t do it for you, I did it for me! And I’m a big fan.

 

 

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A Year Gone By of Sam and I

Every now and then I feel this nagging in my spirit to write. Tonight however I have nothing and everything to say all at once. Typically when I come on here I have a very clear direction I want take with a very specific situation that initiated the desire to write. However, tonight I have no direction- no specific situation in mind. I just have this desire to write. Who knows, maybe something genius will come out of my nonsensical blabber.

It’s crazy to me to see how far I’ve come in various areas of my life. I look back at where I was a few years (or sometimes even months) ago and realize how much I’ve grown and matured in my thoughts and actions. I’ve never publically or specifically blogged about Sam, because truthfully I never wanted to be one of those people who seemed to use blogging as a journal, nor did I ever want to talk about something that involved another person’s feelings. But for some reason as I began this blog with no idea where it would go, the idea to talk about Sam became very evident to me. So I guess I’ll just run with it..

Continue reading “A Year Gone By of Sam and I”

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You Know What They Say When You Assume Things…

It’s true though. Assumptions about people can be dangerous. It seems like lately this has been an increasingly more relevant issue I have been facing in almost every area of my life. I decided I would write some thoughts and begin my external processing for you all to engage in with me. SO here we go!

Yeah, assumptions. What are we really doing when we make assumptions about people? Are all assumptions bad? How often do we really do it? WHY do we do it? Is it even possible to stop or control?

Continue reading “You Know What They Say When You Assume Things…”

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The Normalization of a Social Networking Neurotic Love Scandal

Country music. I love it. I don’t claim to be a country girl, I just really enjoy the genre. Something about it is catchy and always “gets me in my feels” as many of my youth friends like to say. To jump right into it, the past few weeks and months I’ve been thinking through a lot of the standards I️ have for myself in regards to morality and convictions. The person I was in middle school and high school changed and arguably compromised on a lot of standards I had always adhered to. I believe I have definitely grown a lot over the years, but I’m not sure if I have always grown in the direction I should have. They always talked about peer pressure in middle school and high school, but once you hit college those conversations seem to stop. At least for me they seemed to. In my younger years I never seemed to have an issue with peer pressure and honestly never understood why it was such a repeated topic. I never found it hard to just be myself, and I do not say that out of arrogance or denial, I say it out of confusion for where I am now. 

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The Climax of Growth

​”Okay guys wait. Let’s think about this…”

“Yeah, but let’s not think too long.. I know how you can get sometimes.”

Since high school I’ve been waiting to meet someone who graciously challenges yet simultaneously encourages me in my moments of weaknesses. Who knew the first person to effortlessly do this would be a high school student herself!

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To Those Still On the Journey

May 9th was never going to come. It was one of those days I knew inevitably would arrive at some point, but certainly not any time soon. Yet here I am just a few days away from graduation day.

I’ve spent the last couple days thinking about my college career and what I would do differently as well as all I’ve learned and come to value. I decided I wanted to write a short blog to all of you still on this journey. My hope is that maybe my lessons will help make your experience even better than mine. I have decided to give 5 pieces of advice; one for each year I spent in college. Take what you want from it, but either way whether you take something from this blog or not, make sure you enjoy your journey to the fullest.

Continue reading “To Those Still On the Journey”